After yesterday’s daily render, I decided I didn’t want to do another last-minute, slapped-together, open-an-old-scene-file-and-barely-change-i
Is this all I’m doing now? No, I should take a break.
I haven’t been doing comics, because I haven’t been writing. I haven’t kept my deviantART subgalleries organized, which makes that side of things even more a mess. I probably need to fix tags on other sites, too. I need to actually work on that stuff, not just slap up a new(ish) image every day.
And if I don’t, well, maybe that’s because I don’t care. After a while, the daily renders burned me out, I think—if I ever cared.
Doing the daily renders wasn’t a mistake. But I feel like it was a mistake continuing to do them after I said I was walking away from them.
For quite a while, I thought “this” was what I wanted to do. But what is “this”?
Is it a webcomic? Because right now, I really don’t feel like I can do a webcomic, and I kind of don’t believe I want to do.
Is it just these little renders? No one cares, Nia, not even you. You’re tired of it, and barely trying, and that’s been the case for a while.
I am tired. I’m tired of working in a medium which receives an endless amount of contempt. I’m tired of feeling foolish when I call myself an artist. I’m tired of having an output driven more by my general laziness and distraction from it.
I don’t know. Taking a long break sounds good.
Or, you know, I could take this post I just reblogged to heart.
I actually got some pretty good criticism today.
Apparently my characters’ eyes seem slightly unfocused? I tried to deal with that in this piece.
And someone said they’d be happy to read a comic in this visual style if they could tell what it were about.
Well, I have known for a long time that my output was unfocused, but it’s different hearing someone else say it, and say it like it matters. When no one seemed to be reading anything I did, and no one seemed to like my art, it didn’t seem to matter so much.
I think my comic, or the pretence that there is such a thing, is basically dead. Even on my comic tumblr, a lot of recent posts aren’t in comic strip form. And I’m not sure that I care. I don’t have a webcomic, I have an art diary.
How long am I going to keep up an art diary, while not even trying to write? Maybe not that much longer. I’ve been thinking of giving it up for a while.
This last week I really thought about doing some strips, and more serious ones. I could pick up the abandoned Fergus Barry sequence from 2013, even.
But the complexity of rendering what’s in my head, and the limitations of my artistic skill, get in the way of writing comic strips. It’s easier to do one or the other, and lately I’ve chosen art over writing.
And I’ve hit a stretch where I think maybe I should give it all up.
Today’s a good day to call it. The comic is over for now. I never could get it together.
I’ll probably still do some art on my personal blog for a while.
But if I’m to write, I may just write prose. That sounds freeing.
Dario has appeared once, in a crowd scene, I think. Today I opened up his file and tweaked his materials.
He's part of a group of characters that I haven't used much. His parents were in another daily render, which I think was basically ignored both on deviantART and on my Tumblr. It goes without saying that it was ignored on Dreamwidth. Nobody looks at this page. So I can tell you all about him, haha.
Nah, I don't care.