
“I want to thank all the white folks in Alabama who showed up to vote for Doug Jones this December 12th.”
“You’re welcome.”
“You–you’re not from Alabama.”
“What? We’re not in Alabama?”
“No. In fact, I have this new statement from the artist: The comic is set in the fictitious state of ‘Chickasaw.’”
“That’s–that’s not a real state.”
“I just said, 'fictitious.’ That is what 'fictitious’ means.”
“I know what it means. But 'Chickasaw’? Really? As if.”
“Apparently, once she decided that the comic strip was not set in Florida, the artist decided to be deliberately vague as to its geographic setting. This is a refinement of that policy, in which our fair city of Thamnopolis is set in no state that actually exists in the real world.”
“All right then, fine. As a white woman of 'Chickasaw,’ I am proud to have voted in 'Chickasaw’s’ special election and send 'Jug Doanes’ to the United States Senate.”
“Uh-huh.”
“What now?”
“For one thing: You are a race-mixer.”
“So does that mean I don’t count as white now?”
“I’m not sure you are part of the demographic I am speaking of, that is all I am saying.”
“I am a white woman, though. I am very, very pale.”
“Also, you are a lez-be-in, and therefore already expected to vote for your fellow librul Democrat.”
“Now you’re just picking nits.”
“I am not! Anyway, and this was the point I was trying to get to before I was interrupted, let’s remember that it has been the black folks of Alabama whose support for progressive, law-abiding, civil-rights-respecting politicians allowed this to happen at all. So to the Republicans relieved that Roy Moore is not embarrassing them on the floor of the Senate in Washington, DC; to the white liberals of Alabama who are relieved to finally have someone other than that ridiculous oaf of a Bible-thumper voting on their putative behalf; and every other white person who is thanking God for this result: Just remember that it was your colored neighbors and cousins who carried most of the load on this.”
“Well, thank you, sweetie.”
“Thank me? For what?”
“For voting against Roy Moore. I mean 'Rex Less.’”
“I’m not talking about me. I live in the fictitious state of Chickasaw, which did not have a special election this Tuesday.”
“Wait, I thought that was sort of a parallel version of Alabama.”
“No.”
“It could be!”
“I don’t think so.”
“Then where was I Tuesday morning, and what was that ballot I filled out?”
“I don’t know.”